Review: Heat

tl;dr: save yourself some pain and stay far away from this garbage fire

The Story:

I picked up this book because I got a publisher email. If you’ll recall, I also reviewed the author’s last release, A Fare To Remember. I didn’t think it could honestly get worse than that one. I figured it would be a quick read, a few laughs, and then I’d write a review that was essentially a rehashing of the last.

This book was so much worse than the one before it. I don’t even want to review it. First, the review copy that they sent me was barely readable. The formatting was awful and random words and numbers were inserted throughout the book. I had the worst time following it because of those things. And not only that, but the story itself was the most bored I’ve ever been while reading erotica. The prose was infantile and awful. The characters were worse than paper dolls.

Rikki is a shell of a human who apparently had one serious relationship about ten years before, and they were engaged and waiting for her to turn 18 so she wouldn’t be jailbait for the older guy, but instead he got killed in the line of duty before he could close the deal. Since he was a firefighter, she’s sworn off all firefighters as romantic partners. Somehow in the interim, all she does with her life is work in retail, selling clothing. But she’s also a photographer, because why not? Her friend Cassie, who I have no idea how they met, sets her up with a sexy firefighter calendar gig that doesn’t pay, but she gets full ownership of the negatives and can make money off romance authors for book covers. Fine.

She goes out with her new roommates, all of whom are described way too well for how little they feature into this story, and has a connection when she shares a glance with two men sitting at the bar. She evidently has mystical soulmate powers, because she just knows that she is meant to be with both men. The last time she had that connection, it was with her late fiancé.

She is hesitant to begin something with both, because she’s a virgin and also she doesn’t particularly want to be in a relationship with someone who works in such a dangerous profession, which seems understandable, but they are so drawn to each other that it’s inevitable that they hook up. And also she can’t choose so it has to be a threesome and there doesn’t seem to be any awkwardness at all with that idea. Even though none of them have had a threesome before. I think. Maybe the guys have, but their backstory is apparently not important.

The scene where they finally do it is all kinds of wrong and cringe-worthy. First, both firefighters are showering together, naked. Like you do. And Rikki walks in on them, and is captivated by their nakedness. They turn around and see her, and despite her protests, seduce her in the shower. (This whole time, they are at the fire station. Yes, their place of EMPLOYMENT.) Then they go back to the guys’ private sleeping quarters while the rest of their co-workers are sleeping in other rooms in the same building, and have kinky sex. It’s Rikki’s first time and she’s letting one guy have sex with her while going down on the other guy. And I don’t even know how they managed to situate themselves without one of the guys hanging from a light fixture.

Of course, there’s a guy from Rikki’s past that shows up so her two firefighters can be all jealous and have a misunderstanding, but it really, really doesn’t work. I haven’t even bothered to name the two guys because I couldn’t tell them apart. In the end, Rikki decides that love is worth the risk and the guys allow her to take the risk. Yes, allow her. They decide she isn’t too fragile for their love.

Ughhh don’t even no I can’t gaaaah.

Technical Elements:

I have for you a selection of quotations.

But she was intensely aware of his potent masculine aura.

He drew back and smiled at her, his mouth glistening with her arousal.

She moaned in his ear, probably deafening him, but he kept rocking. Filling her with that wonderful, thick column.

…she’s like a kid with a new toy as far as the adventurous sex goes.

Her voice sounded like hot silk.

Final Thoughts:

I don’t think I have it in me to review another one of this author’s books. This was a trial, summoning all of my strength to keep my gag reflex in check. I wanted to review it because I thought there should be some variety in the reviews on Goodreads, because a lot of people seem to enjoy this and I didn’t want some unsuspecting reader to end up sorely disappointed. But someone else is going to have to commit seppuku because another one of these and I’m going to be in line for a lobotomy.

Literally read anything else.  Anything.

But if you came here for a firefighter romance, I read Burn recently, which was fine. At least the hero was sexy.

free ebook provided by netgalley for honest review

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